Giving consent is when you clearly and freely agree to take part in sexual activity. Consent is an ongoing process that includes talking about boundaries and what you’re comfortable with.
Consent is all about good communication and agreement. It can happen before you start having sex or if you’re already “in the moment.” Having sex without consent is not only wrong but also illegal. If you feel pressured to have sex or are too afraid to say no, that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Giving consent can look like:
- Clearly agreeing to a sexual activity by:
- Saying yes
- Saying something else positive (ex. “I’d like to try that.”)
- Using physical cues
- Making a positive noise or sigh
- Responding with a similar touch
- Looking your partner in the eye and smiling
Getting consent can look like:
- Asking: “Is this okay?” and getting a clear and positive response
- Talking about what you do and don’t want to do before you start
- Asking permission before you change the type or degree of sexual activity
- Letting your partner know that you can stop at any time
- Periodically checking in with your partner, such as asking “Is this still okay?”
Consent is not given if someone:
- Seems unsure
- Stays silent
- Doesn’t respond
- Says: “maybe”, “no”, “stop” or any other uncertain or unenthusiastic response
- Is not able to make a choice because of drugs or alcohol
- Is asleep or unconscious
- Feels pressured
- Wears certain clothes, flirts, or kisses
- Is under the legal age of consent
- Has unequal power (a student and teacher, a boss and employee, etc.)
- Has engaged in a sexual act before (with you or someone else) but doesn’t want to now
Teach children and teens you always have the right to say no — to any kind of sexual activity, at any time, with anyone.
Learn more at rainn.org/consent.